Next Lifetime
by Lboogie221
Summary: I was playing the song "Next Lifetime" by Erykah Badu, when I got the idea to make the song into a story! Basically, Fitz is looking to take his relationship with Liv a little further passed friends, and Liv feels she's stuck in her current relationship. Story will be a bit dark, with some light moments for sure.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know I have other stories that need to be finished, which I will, I just had this on my mind and wanted to get out here. Please review and tell me what you think!**

He was everything I could ever ask for. A true friend, no my best friend. He was loving, he was intimate, a passionate, aggressive lover. Let's start with the intellectual and then delve into the physical. He could discuss with me for hours on end the different aspects of government. He spoke passionately about the changes he wanted to see one day if he were to ever become president. He was extremely compassionate. Once a week hewould volunteer to feed the homeless and he also worked at the local boys and girls club. He was a man of his word, young, but had the mind of man, well passed the age of 22. He understood how critical theories worked into politics and how much of a difference they make. How people needed to adapt these thoughts into international politics in order to make astute changes.

Now let's talk about the physical. He was 6'2, with brown curly locks. He had this sexy lock that would swing and stand out, quite like a superman curl. He had boyish charm and smile to die for. He wasn't super built, but a pretty fit body, due to the occasional morning run. Which, he hated might I add. Actually, I think he just hates exercising period, yet he still had a six pack and a back I could run my hands up and down against for hours.

You probably think I'm describing my boyfriend. Nope, not quite. This one, is something like, "the one I let get away." Except, I don't think I did. I mean he never made a move! It's now our senior year and I'm engaged. Yes, engaged. You're probably wondering what the hell happened. Well, while I thought Fitz wasn't interested in me, I started talking to another guy after winter break of our sophomore year. Jake Ballard. He was, interesting to say the least. A protective lover. Yearning for love, looking for happiness. Which I initially thought was cute, but then it turned into something else. Something not so cute and a little scary at times. The protectiveness became controlling and the searching for happiness became unbarring.

Mmhm, I know what you're thinking, you're probably wondering why I haven't left him and gone with Fitz. It's... a difficult situation. I love Jake, not in love, but I do love him. He needs me and sometimes I do need him... maybe. Now, we've been together for a year and some months. I was a great girlfriend, more like a good girlfriend. I say good, because I may have messed up along the way. I never cheated on him and I remained faithful; that is until one night I saw Fitz at my best friend's birthday party and let's just say, things sort of got out hand.

 _April 2014_

 _My best friend Abigail Whelan, we call her Abby, was throwing a birthday party one night. This was our junior year at Harvard, we were all top students and didn't party that much. Since it was Abby's 21st birthday, she wanted us to all get drunk with her at her at her party. Not so much a party, but more like a set. You know, a few friends, some drinks, food and music. It was a pretty chill night, one that I'll never forget. Jake unfortunately or rather fortunately in my case, had to go back home to tend to some family issues. (He has a pretty horrible family dynamic, hence his search for happiness and why I feel, or felt bad for him). Anyways, there were about 20 of us there that night, for a while at least. I had on a pretty cute outfit if I say so myself. A fitted black crop sweater, high waisted dark blue jeans and nude pumps. I accessorized with a cute gold chain and earrings._

 _The party was being held at Stephen's townhouse. Stephen was Abby's boyfriend and also Fitz's best friend. Fitz and Stephen were roommates here and from time to time we would all hang out here after classes. Stephen was a little older than us, as he started college late. He was 24 and his parents owned this townhouse and let him rent it out while he was here._

 _"So I see Joke couldn't make it tonight" Abby wasn't too fond of Jake, neither were any of my friends for that matter, including Fitz. "No Abby, Jake couldn't make it. He had some family issues to deal with"_

 _"Yeah, whatever, hope he fixes them and stops putting all of his problems over on you! I'm tired of seeing you crying. You constantly feel the need to fix everyone and everything"_

 _"Okay, Abbs, not tonight can we just enjoy your birthday please?" I really didn't feel like hearing any of my friends complain to me about my love life. Tonight I wanted to indulge in some alcohol and celebrate Abby's birthday._

 _I was especially glad, because I knew Fitz would be there. I actually felt nervous inside that night and I didn't know why. I always hung around him, but that night felt different. Just as quickly as I had those thoughts, Fitz came through the door with food for the party ._

 _"Your part time lover has arrived!" Abby knew I had a crush on Fitz since our sophomore year._

 _"We are just friends, thank you very much"_

 _"Yea sure, go on over there and give him a hug like I know you wanna!"_

 _Fitz looked good, like really good. I literally felt like jumping him right then and there. He was wearing a black tee, dark blue denim jeans that tugged on him just right and black nike roshes. "Hmm, cute we're kind of matching" I thought to myself. His curls were getting longer and he had a little stubble going on as well. He walked over with that smooth walk of his and put his arms around Abby and I shoulders._

 _"Hello ladies, Happy Birthday Abby!" He gave her an envelope with a card and then proceeded to give her a hug. "I hope you enjoy your day!"_

 _"Thank you Fitz! I really appreciate it"_

 _"Anytime Gabby" Fitz smirked, knowing Abby hated when he called him that. When he first met her, he kept forgetting her name and always referred to her as Gabby._

 _"Keep it up jerk and I'm kicking you out Grant" she responded._

 _He then turned to me and gave me a hug. After releasing slightly we both said "hi" to one another. He kept his hands low on my hips and my hands remained around his neck._

 _"I missed you Liv, where have you been?"_

 _"Around, dealing with school work and other things" I didn't want to let him know that Jake was stressing me out. Tonight wasn't the night for that._

 _"You'd tell me if there was something wrong right?" He asked in the sweetest concerned voice._

 _"Of course Fitz" I said quietly. We finally dropped our hands from each other, which felt like an eternity._

 _The set was flowing smoothly. Conversations went from stresses of assignments that were due and final exams coming up, to the latest music, to plans for the summer. After awhile we decided to gather around and take shots for Abby._

 _"Okay, as you all know it's my favorite redhead's, my beautiful girlfriend Abby's, 21st birthday which means we all need to take some bloody shots!" Stephen shouted, getting everyone's attention._

 _"I added some gummies, that have been soaked in vodka overnight, I hope you all enjoy! Anddddd, you must eat the gummies!"_

 _He passed a shot glass to each of us, while Abby got the largest one. "At the count of three, everyone take a shot!" "One, two, three!" I took my shot of the vodka, with the gummies as well and closed my eyes as the burn went down my throat._

 _An hour went by and we all started dancing to some music, what started off as 20 people, turned to 40 and we were actually having a party after all. Abby, Quinn (another close friend of mine) and I started dancing with one another in the middle of the living room. Eventually, I felt a pair of strong hands on my waist and I already knew who it was. Fitz. I could tell he was a little tipsy, as was I._

 _"Hmmm, so I think this is the first time I've ever seen you dance Ms. Pope"_

 _"Like what you see?" Um, what was I doing? I knew darn well I was flirting. I couldn't help myself around this guy. Tonight was no different. It was just to another extent. I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the alcohol._

 _"I always do" Fitz replied back and pulled me in closer. Now that, that was not what I was expecting. I mean I could tell he always was attracted to me, but like I said, he never made a move! Until tonight, I don't know what came over Fitz, but this side of him I liked._

 _A reggae song by Vybz Kartel began to play and Fitz continued to hold onto my waist. I gradually started whining on him to the dancehall song, and he did his best to keep up. I grinded my hips against his pelvis and swayed to the beat of the music. He grabbed my hips tighter as I rotated my hips more. I soon began feeling him getting harder the closer we got. I continued dancing on him anyways. The song switched over to a slow song and he turned me around._

 _"You look pretty tonight Livvie" he complimented me in this voice that sent shivers down my back._

 _"Thank you Fitz, you don't look so bad yourself" I blushed and finally looked up at him. He was staring at me, with this look in his eyes. It was different than any other time. His eyes looked grey and filled with something... Like lust or maybe love. The two were getting blurred tonight, as the drinks were settling in my system._

 _I pulled away from. This didn't seem right. I knew my friends knew I liked Fitz, but there were others there that knew I was in a relationship and I felt uncomfortable._

 _"I need some water" I said as I walked away from him, hoping he'd run off and dance with someone else. Nope, of course not. I took my water with me to the back porch and Fitz followed._

 _"Hey, I'm sorry, I was getting a little too into the dance I guess, I'm sorry Livvie."_

 _"Fitz... It's okay"_

 _He stepped closer and took my drink out of my hand and placed it on the table nearby._

 _"No, Livvie, it's not." I gave him a confused look and he continued._

 _"Fitz what are you talking about?"_

 _"You know what I'm speaking of Liv" I was beginning to get irritated with his mind game._

 _"Fitz, please speak up or I'm going back inside"_

 _"You, I mean us, I'm tired of this. I want this and I know you do too" As much as I was glad to hear those words come out of Fitz's mouth, at the same time I was upset. I was upset that he waited for so long to say something._

 _"Ex...excuse me? Where is this coming from? Why are you doing this now?!" I was starting to shout, my feelings were showing and I didn't like this vulnerable state I was in._

 _"I know, I know I should have said something long ago, but I had my reasons. I just, we have something real. Something different, that should be explored."_

 _"You know I can't do this Fitz, I... Can't."_

 _He took two steps closer to me and was now towering over me. My breathing sped up and my thoughts were beginning to go all over the place. The proximity was too much, I needed to remove myself. Before I could, he pulled me in closer_

 _"I know, I messed up Livvie, but whatever I got to do I will do it for you"_

 _"Fitz you can't be serious right now, we're friends, we... I can't." I couldn't believe the words I was hearing. Could his timing be any worse?!_

 _"I am very serious." He looked at me with that look he gave me earlier in the living room. I don't know what came over me then, I'm again blaming it on the alcohol. I got up on my tiptoes and kissed him. There was a pause and then he kissed me back softly. It was the sweetest kiss I ever had. He kissed me deeper, it was getting intense and his tongue started to seek entrance. Our tongues began to dance and he allowed his tongue to go over my upper lip. I ran my fingers through his hair, loving the fact that he grew out his curls some._

 _I felt his erection being pressed up against my thigh. I rubbed against him more and he started placing kisses on my neck. He walked me backwards to the steps by the balcony and then lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he made his way down to the basement. He shifted around and then successfully opened the door to the basement. The minute the door closed he backed me up against the wall and we continued making out._

 _I pulled away and he looked down at me with lust filled eyes and he stared at me for a while. He backed away from me and I started to regret what I even said. How did I get here, I just cheated on my boyfriend of a year. Wouldn't consider him boyfriend of the year, but he was nonetheless, my boyfriend._

 _"Olivia," he said quietly "Let's stop, before we take this too far and we regret this. I don't want you to do this and mess up your whole relationship for me. I love you too much for that"_

 _Did he just say that he loved me? What? I didn't answer him back, I walked up to him and pulled him and softly pecked his lips. We started again how we started the first time. He took that as a yes, and we started kissing deeper. Fitz's hands worked their way to my behind. He grabbed and squeezed it and pulled me into his erection. I took one hand from his neck and started rubbing him through his jeans. He gave a low deep moan and squeezed my behind harder. He picked me up again and then we moved into the room in the basement. He placed me on the bed and took off his shirt. His pants were sagging low and he looked dangerously good. He got up on the bed and slowly started unbuttoning my pants. It seemed like an eternity, with him sliding my pants off. He finally took them off all the way and threw them on the floor. I was now in just my black crop sweater and black panties. He kneeled between my legs and rubbed his hands up and down my thighs. I then sat up to take off my sweater. While I was doing so, he got closer and took it off for me._

 _"Turn around" he commanded and I did so._

 _"Let me do everything, just relax" he said in a deep breathy voice against my neck, while taking off my sweater and then undoing my bra. He slid the bra straps down my shoulders while placing kisses along the way. When he was done he flipped me over leaving me completely naked while he still had on his jeans._

 _"Are you comfortable?" I nodded in response and licked my lips, he bent down licking my neck. He worked his way down until he got slightly above my center._

 _"Put your legs on my shoulders" The heat of him above my center was getting me more aroused and I was so wet. But, I looked up at him like he was crazy! I'd never been eaten out before. That wasn't Jake's thing, he annoyingly reminded when we would have sex. I've always wanted it, but now that Fitz was about to do it, I was a bit nervous._

 _"Do you trust me?" I nodded yes as my response again._

 _First he inserted one finger and used his thumb to rub against my clit. "Livvie you're so wet for me"_

 _"Unnn Fitz!" The pressure he was applying was just right and felt so good! I soon felt his tongue licking my folds and I let out a loud moan. He grunted in response to my moan. He gently and slowly licked around my center, lapping up my essence. He took my legs off his shoulders and eased my legs to open wider. He placed his hands on my thighs and gripped them and went back to work on my center. He moved from the slow torturous licks, and added in more urgency. I lifted my pelvis and reached down to grab his locks. The feel of him on my center and holding his hair felt way too good. He went faster and I grabbed his hair harder._

 _"Come for me Livvie, just let go for me"_

 _"Omg, Fitz, mmmmmm" I felt my orgasm hit me and my whole world shifted. Never had I received an orgasm like that from Jake and Fitz hadn't even entered me yet. I let go and my essence was released on his mouth. He used the back his hand to wipe his mouth. I pulled him up so that he could kiss me. I could taste myself on his lips and it all seemed so exotic. I was getting extremely wet again. I grabbed Fitz's belt buckle and started undoing it for him and zipped down his jeans for him. He was so hard by this point. He hopped off the bed and pulled his pants down revealing his boxer briefs. He had a massive tent and the sight turned me on once more. He proceeded to take off his boxer briefs and dropped them to the floor. I couldn't believe the sight in front of me. He was... huge and his body was so damn beautiful. He smirked when he caught me checking him out. I gave him a seductive smile back and he crawled on the bed._

 _He rubbed his member, moving the essence over his tip and I softly pushed his hand away and wrapped my smaller hands around his erection. His head fell back and he closed his eyes shut._

 _"Mmmm Livvie, stop or I'm going to come right here"_

 _I continued my assault and he surprisingly picked me up and threw me gently on the bed. He now had on a serious face that let me know he was hungry for me._

 _"I want you so bad, I always have. Are you sure you're ready?"_

 _"I want you too Fitz"_

 _He hopped off the bed remembering he needed a condom and took one out of pants. I guess guys just always had those things ready. I laughed to myself at the thought. It seemed like he was in my head because he said;_

 _"Hey, you never know!"_

 _He placed it over his member and went between the middle of my legs. He placed his member up and down my slit teasing me. He started running his hands up and down my sides. "Fitz, I need you, now" I was getting He placed his hands on my breast, teasing and pleasing me. "You're so sexy Livvie, I love how good your breasts feel in my hands. He continued his assault on my nipples and bent down to lick my neck while he continued working on my breast. I arched my back and whimpered. "Damn, I love it when you make that noise" He got down to my face and slowly entered me. With the first thrust I immediately went to grip his back. He kept his eyes on me the whole time, giving me this intense look. I looked back at him while he continued to thrust into me. I was so completely aroused. "Mmmm you feel so good Livvie, you're so tight" I clenched around his member and thrusted my hips upwards wanting more of him. He sped up his thrusts. We exchanged messy kisses and he sucked on my bottom lip. He lifted me up a little so that he could grab my behind._

 _"I want you to come for me again, say my name and come again."_

 _"Fitz! I... I'm coming"_

 _My climax hit and I dug my fingernails into his skin and I arched my back some more. He went harder, pounding into me and bit down into my shoulder and came soon after I did. His body collapsed into mine. He pushed off me slightly, pushed my hair out of my face and placed a kiss on my forehead._

 _"Hi" we said to each other at the same time. He pulled out of me and threw his legs over the bed. He walked over to his bathroom to retrieve some wash cloths._

 _"Here, let me help you clean up" he started wiping between my legs and thighs. He was just always so loving and caring. He cleaned himself up after and then we laid back in the bed with one another._

 _We didn't speak, I turned over getting sleepy and cuddled up behind me. I closed my eyes and got even closer to him._

 _While drifting off to sleep I heard him murmur in my hair, "I meant, what I said Liv, I want you"_

 _I woke up and reached over to the nightstand to see that it was 5:00am. I had multiple text messages from Jake, Abby and Quinn. Abby and Quinn were texting me in our group text, letting me know that they knew what I did._

 ** _Abby: HA! I see you never came back from that porch!_**

 ** _Quinn: Yup! And neither did Fitz! We know what you're up to!_**

 ** _Abby: Yea! Get it girl! Tell us all about it in the morning!_**

 _They were literally too much, and I wasn't going to hear the end of it later when I went back to our apartment. Jake messaged me goodnight and told me he hoped I was having a good time._

 ** _Jake: "I miss you Liv, I love you and I hope you're having a goodnight. Call me in the morning baby"_**

 _And that was when the guilt settled in. I gathered my clothes together and put them on and went up the steps. I went through the front door and to car and sat there for 10 minutes. I reached into my glove department and took out a pen and paper. I wrote:_

 _"Fitz, last night was beautiful and you mean everything to me, but last night wasn't supposed to happen. I'm in a situation right now and I just can't leave it like that. I hope you understand, and I love you too. Maybe... in a next lifetime"_


	2. Sinking Deeper

**A/N: It has been forever! I finished grad school and got a new job. Now I'll have some extra time. I want to thank those who have followed my stories and reviewed! So, I really want to actually finish this one. It's my favorite so far and will be a bit darker than my other stories.**

 **August 2014**

 _He leans in and starts caressing my thigh absentmindedly. The feel of him automatically has me feeling heated and I know I won't last long. Everything with him always feels intensified. He moves his fingers in tantalizing circles on my skin and I can't bare it too much longer. Eventually, his hand eases up further on my thigh. He moves my panties to the side and enters one finger. In and out slowly, and curving it upward gently, looking into my eyes intensely. He pulls his finger out agonizingly slow and i thrust my hips upward wanting more. He grips my hip and pushes me down a bit. While gripping my hip with one hand, he takes the other and places his finger in his mouth and slowly moves his tongue around his finger._

 _"I love the way you taste Livvie." He takes his finger from his mouth and places his finger on my lips. I ease my mouth open and wrap my tongue around his finger and taste my essence. He swirls his finger around my tongue and eases his finger in and out and let's go with a pop. I try to reach over to kiss him and I can't. He keeps slipping away from me. I try again and he slips even further._

Lust versus love. That's currently the epitome of my life as of right now. Is it love or just infatuation and lust I have with Fitz? Did I get into this relationship with Jake because of lust or love? Why do I continue to stay in engaged to this man? Choices were made and the sin grew deeper. I can't release my soul from Fitz after such a passionate night. I feel bare and exposed sleeping in this bed next to Jake. After formulating my heart to another man, I'm now currently trying to escape from this one. I look over at the clock and it's currently 9:00am. I sigh, as I realize I can't kiss Fitz again because it was all a dream. It's months later and I'm still in the same predicament. I haven't spoken to Fitz much since that night. He called me constantly at first and sent frequent messages to check up on me and talk. Eventually after my insistence to not reply he stopped.

We saw each other a few times in between that time and kept it cordial. There was nothing more, but a silent wave or a quiet hi. Every time I saw his handsome face I got butterflies inside thinking of that night with him. I was so angry with myself for wanting him, yet always so turned on in his presence. I was so conflicted. Why hadn't he told me his feelings for me sooner? I thought to myself looking towards the window.

"Babe, everything okay?" Jake whispers hoarsely as I turn to face him in our bed.

"Yea, of course babe. I missed you." I reply softly.

"How was the networking event for your new internship? I wish I could have made it, but you know I had to go visit my mother." Jake said back.

"It was great. They had various speakers from around the country talk about their PR firms. It was really insightful and there were free drinks, so that was a plus." I said with a slight chuckle.

"That's really good. I'm glad it went well for you guys."

So, how did things go with your mom last night?" I asked.

Jake had been visiting his mother every few weeks towards the end of the semester into the summer. The first time he went away for the weekend to see her had been the night i got involved with Fitz. Now that it was summer break, he had the chance to visit her for a longer period of time. He spent the month of July with her, trying to get her to stay consistent with rehab. It was also a chance to mend their broken relationship.

"As good as it can get with someone who barely wants to change their life. I'm sick of this Liv. I love her, but I don't know what else to do."

Jake's mother was an alcoholic. She had been in and out of rehab for aboout 15 years. Alcohol was a release of life stresses she always said. I had the chance to visit her a few times with Jake over the course of our relationship. You could smell the alcohol from a mile away on her. Alcohol consumed her and was her one true love. She depended it on and didn't have faith that people and life experiences could be better than the alcohol. So she drank. Day and night, night and day. Jake told me she was sober for a few years and then fell right back into the pit of her own hell. She relapsed after his bastard of a father came back and tried to make amends. They were in the midst of getting back together, God knows why, until his father slapped her. Not only was he an abuser, but a cheater. He cheated on her with one of his co-workers at the time. She got the courage to leave him finally, but not the courage to leave her alcohol. It was always her sitting in her leather chair, drink in hand, gazing out the window, hoping life would pass her by. It seemed she hoped the drink would take all the tests of life for her. An easy way out of her facing her inner demons. Her mind was literally a prison and the only way she felt she could escape was her baby; alcohol. Sip after sip. Gulp after gulp. Letting the bitter taste cruise down her throat, until she passed out. Letting her world around her crash and burn. While her son sat there and watched her, trying to save the only family he had.

"I'm so sorry Jake. You're amazing for trying to help her out and be there for her. You're a great son and she knows this." I told him somberly.

"Psh, yea doesn't seem like she or my father gives a damn about my life." He replied pushing me away. He sat up on the bed and leaned his head against the backboard.  
I moved over and straddled him and put my arms around his neck. I knew he needed to be comforted in this moment. I was confused about my feelings for Jake and the state of our relationship, but the least I could do was be there for him.

"She's told you she's loved a thousand times Jake. I know that saying it and showing it means nothing. But I know for a fact your efforts don't go unnoticed." I said while looking up to him. He finally wrapped one arm around my waist and I moved in closer.

"Thanks Liv. It's just tough you know. I feel like if she loved me like she said she did, she would fucking listen to me and change her life. I'm fucking 22 years old and have yet to see a difference in this woman."

"Just try to calm down, okay babe." I said softly trying to calm him down.

"Calm down Liv? What the fuck? How can I be calm dealing with shit like this. You don't ever fucking get it because you grew up with loving ass parents!" He shouted.

"Look Jake, you can either talk to me like the grown woman I am and watch that tone or I'm leaving." I shouted back.

"Yea, I prefer the latter right now. How about you just leave?!" He demanded.

"You know what, wow. I try to be here for you. Help you get through your problems constantly and this is what the hell I deal with. I can't keep doing this with you Jake! You hurt me time and time again and I try to stick with you and I can't anymore. I can't. I need space to think Jake!"

"So, what hell are you saying then? You're just going to leave me. I've been gone for a month dealing with my mother and you want to fucking break up?" He asked perplexed.

"I'm not saying to break up, I'm saying I need space. You need time to think about where you want to be after senior and how to deal with your mother and this anger! You're constantly placing your anger on me, when all I've done is try to be there for you." I screamed, with so much passion and force and tears. All the months of pain coming forward.

He walks forward and wipes my tears from my face. "I'm so sorry Liv. I'm so sorry. You're right. Look, you stay here and I'm going to crash and my friends for the rest of the summer. I have some thinking and I know you need space. I love you Olivia." He says, while backing up and gathering some things. He puts on some black shorts and a black tee and straps his bag across his shoulder.

"Thank you." I reply.

"I'll see you in a few weeks then." He says and leans over kisses my cheek. I back away from him.

"Bye Jake."

"Bye Olivia."

I walk with him to the front door of our apartment and lock the door. I walk over to the window and see him standing outside waiting for his Uber. It's summer, but the suns not shining today. It's cloudy and pouring rain. Tears start to flow to my eyes as I realize just how crazy my life has become. What was love supposed to feel like? Is this what it is? Do I keep working on this relationship and stick around? This next month would be the time to work on myself. I don't want to wait until the next lifetime to do what I want and to love who I want. I have to find me and stay true to me.

I walk back into our room and get into bed and pull the covers over my face and fall asleep. I must have been really tired because I look over at my phone and see it's now 12:00pm. Not only do I see the time, but a notification bubble from Fitz. He's sent me a text.

 **Fitz:** _Hi_


End file.
